reflect, reset, redeem.

As an educator, I am in mid-transition. When school is back in session, that means I’m back to my routine. While I am so grateful that this school year I have a lot more free time in my schedule, I must admit that I am already mentally exhausted.

This summer, I did whatever I wanted. I neglected my planner, wasn’t as mindful as I should have been with what I ate, exercised sometimes only once a week, and stayed up as late as I wanted even with work looming the next morning. It totally felt like I was living the life, but in retrospect, was I really?

As the summer winded down and I celebrated my 25th birthday, I naturally felt myself moving into a state of reflection. I looked back to January, and over all of the goals I set for myself this year. During the summer, I fell off badly. In order to get back on track, I had to first remind myself of my intentions. Why did I start? Why was it so important to me? Where did I hope to see myself at the end of the year with this? I then had to get to the difficult part: why did I get off track? What distracted me?

In getting down to the nitty gritty, I realized that I was mentally and physically exhausted, and quite honestly, I was depressed. From September 2017 to June 2018, I had 12 hour workdays. The little bit of time I did have after work was dedicated to exercising, planning for the next day, and sleeping. I was drained. I felt like I had no time to do the things that I wanted.

I was seemingly losing the positive mindset I worked so hard to obtain, and it all stemmed from me simply not making the time for me. While I was focusing on my goals, I was lacking self-compassion which continued to make me feel backed against the wall as opposed to living in my purpose. I felt like there was no time for me. No time to laze around, or hang out, or simply sit and scroll through Instagram.

When June finally came, I didn’t want to do anything except be lackadaisical, which resulted in me losing sight of the things that were truly important to me such as the goals I set my intentions on at the beginning of the year. All in all, this fluctuation of being hyper-progressive and extremely lazy threw me off my game completely and I had to figure out how to get back on track. I had to be transparent, remind myself of my intentions, and motivate myself like never before.

It is easy to fall off when you haven’t been pouring into yourself as you should, and it is always good to take a break and do whatever you want when you feel it most necessary. However, know the difference between a break and slacking off. Don’t allow what's important to you to fall by the wayside.

Stay connected to your intentions, and mindfully remember that you are always on a quest to be your very best self. Set reminders with positive quotes and look in the mirror and affirm yourself. Show yourself love by pouring into yourself and then go out there and kill it. You got this, girl!

— Kandace

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