Coming up on two years since my college graduation, I find myself in a panic. This past week, I was in my head comparing, criticizing, worrying, and doubting. It got so bad that I almost considered giving up on my dream of becoming a certified teacher and finding a job in journalism, which is what I studied in college and hated. Why would I voluntarily stop something I love to go back to something that I could not wait to get out of?
One word: fear
(Photo by JD Mason)
As I am creeping up on age 25, I am constantly questioning myself and what I feel like my life should be like by then. Shouldn’t I have hit my career goals? Shouldn’t I have a certain amount of money? Shouldn’t I be doing x by now? How am I even going to do y?” “It’s not going to work.” “Forget it.” Last week all of these thoughts were consuming me and made me feel low. I was fearful. I was doubtful. I was anxious. When I begin circulating different self-criticisms, I panic, and when I panic, I am tempted to give up. Unfortunately, it is so easy to get caught up comparing your life to others. It’s all too easy to look around and look at what other’s are doing with their lives. Here is the thing though — it’s their life. Not yours.
Your journey is your journey, not to be compared to anyone else's. The uniqueness of our individual paths are what makes us who we are. So I had to be real with myself this week. Not only was I comparing my experience and state-of-being to that of others, I was considering settling for something my heart is not in because of the fear of the unknown. The most noteworthy take away of all this is that we aren't supposed to know the how behind every occurrence, nor the why, but we are simply supposed to trust that they exist for our greater good.
If you’re a Type-A person like myself, it will take some readjusting to the fact that we have to relinquish control if we truly want to receive what we believe we deserve. That is just how the universe works.
Through transparency, we are able to address where our more problematic and complex emotions stem from, and from there we can work to correct them. When I stepped back and realigned with my focus, I was able to set my sights back on what I believe that God has in store for me. Yeah, fear and anxiety can creep back up, but when that happens I just have to remember to put my trust in the process and the universe.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I will arrive when and how I am supposed to.
Keep going <3