understanding what patience looks like for you

February 22, 2018

 

 

 

For what feels like forever, many of us have been told that "patience is a virtue." We have also seen time and time again that people who tend to have the ability to put aside their own selfish inhibitions of time and plans are often praised. Specifically speaking from the standpoint of a woman of color, we are consistently taught to always find that inner strength to not complain and remain patient within our surroundings. We do this so well, and so often, that we forget to start the work "in-house" first. Paying specific attention to our families, our jobs, our social lives, and our intimate relationships takes almost all of our patience and ends up leaving us with the bare minimum.  

 

Why is it that we find it okay for everyone else to go at their own pace but we don't extend that same kindness to ourselves? Why don't we give ourselves that period of growth, reflection, and healing to get to that new position in our lives? 

 

What we don't realize, or notice, is that this generation of millennials is regularly harming themselves with the overwhelming thoughts of the "right" pace. With consistent spurts of "everyday celebrities" popping up, and with social media providing another platform for people to express themselves, we don't always notice the ways that this exposure increases the chances of competition. That's how we find ourselves being less interested in the person that worked to build a website for 3+ years and highly interested in the brand that gained followers overnight. Then after witnessing this, our subconscious screams "NOW" to us, and grows our eagerness to succeed. Everything is wanted NOW: success, fame, wealth, goals, etc.

 

The most important thing to consider is that although the go-getter mentality is not frowned upon nor discouraged, it needs to be taken in moderation. What you put on your plate, and what you feel is appropriate you, should be based on your individual mental health. Don't force the go-getter mentality if you need the healing first, because skipping a step is counterproductive. You have to be real with yourself. Yes, I want a successful life and a large home on the west coast, but I can't put myself down because someone has it right now already. You can't compete with others if you have a different endgame - and you will ALWAYS have a different endgame because you are uniquely yourself.  Success stories from people our age are always a hit or miss. We either feel inspired or upset that we're not there yet and either route of thinking leaves us comparing successes. We have to remember that we live our own testimonies.

 

Some of the underlying issues between our comparative nature are often a lack of self-love, inability to nurture ourselves and our crafts, and a lack of self-confidence. So here are three steps we can use to give ourselves that break and reassurance that we're still in the race - but the right way.

 

1.) do some shadow work

 

 

 

The first step into truly believing it's okay to be patient is the dirty work! Our creator and editor, Taylor Allie, discussed the importance of this in an earlier post. The feelings we suppress or don't communicate properly because we don't address them enough often hinder us from progressing. You can't say you're ready to be that 25-year-old CEO if you still feel uncomfortable using your voice. Shadow work will help uncover what you're hiding. 

 

2.) be real with yourself

 

 

 

Honesty is key! Telling yourself that business didn't take off because of something or someone else is more harmful then admitting that you didn't put the necessary work in. No need in filling your head with lies to keep yourself afloat externally, when inside lies the truth. We often want something so bad that we ignore what we need to get it, which ties in with comparing and wanting what we're seeing, i.e., a large social media following, sponsorships, and easy money. But we need to learn to pause, and ask ourselves do we have the mental stability, time, or funds to own the thing we're looking for? Do we even deserve it? When you start asking these questions and realize the need for honesty, the missing components are more attainable. It's not so much of a reality check, but grasping your own reality. When you know what you have, you'll know what you want. 

 

3.) WRITE IT DOWN

 

 

 

 

So you know what you want, write it down AND make a vision board. I say both because it appeals to two fundamental aspects of forward progression. Writing your goals or business plan down is more concrete for action. Don't worry about what the next Instagram star may have, but what you want to obtain for yourself and your brand. Filter out the distractions and focus on your personal goals. Finding a business plan template could shine light on missing aspects that you didn't know you needed. This also gives you a "map" on where to start. Comparatively, a vision board is always a favorite of mine. Some people learn better with visuals so creating a board provides stimulation for us to hone our creative energy. It is also a reminder for when the business plan isn't sitting directly in front of us. You may not have a photographic memory of your written plan, but walking past your board subconsciously reminds you what your endgame beholds. I recommend placing your vision board near a mirror or beside your bed. 

 

 

Mastering the art of intentionally crafting the lifestyle for we are aiming toward is not easy, and it doesn't consist of just sitting around waiting for that "moment." It's more about finding out what needs to be done "in-house" in order to make our moment more accessible to us. Get to work if you want to get to where you're headed and be patient in the process.

 

 

 

<3,

Adrienne

 

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